Went to a CA meeting in downtown Everett. I’ve been to this meeting once before, so I recognized a few faces. I dont go to CA often but its a good meeting and I like it. I was not called on to share, and I told myself I would not volunteer to share because I always do and I wanted to “humble” myself tonight. I had a lot to say but I kept it in and it must have not been that important cause I dont remember it anymore. Ok I remember most of it but whatever. It so crazy how much my life has changed.
on a side note, flying to california in a few weeks to visit Meghan. She lives is San Fran, only a few hours farther south and I could go back to school shopping at Marc Jacobs on Melrose…. hmmmmm…. :)
Anonymous asked: I heard that you still drink but still claim to be sober.
In four days I will have 11 months clean from drugs, alcohol & marijuana. I rarely even consume caffeine .. just a little in my green tea of course. This is the second person in like a week to doubt my sobriety. Oh well.
this is kinda creepy though cause only like 4 people in real life know my tumblr and none of them would ask me this so I guess more people found my shit.
where has my spirituality gone? where has my honesty gone? where has my allegiance to AA and NA gone? Im still sober but my behavior has slipped. Cigarettes, dishonesty, hanging around old friends and old playgrounds? Im not pleased with what I’ve become and I plan to turn it around.
I need to practice some humility and admit my faults in a meeting
A very awesome day today. Started the day off with 12 miles at cruising speed and a big breakfast, had a decent day at work then ran home and changed and hopped on a bus to everett. Once in Everett I did something I’ve been meaning to do for a while… I returned some library books that I stole from the Everett Public Library a long time ago. When I was using I found some books on MDMA at the library and I didn’t have a card so I just put em In my bag and left, it felt good to return them :) Then I went to the co op to get a few groceries. I got some more chia seeds, steel cut oats (hippie4theearth I really hope your reading this!!) some kombucha, almond butter, and thats all I can remember right now. I really really love the co op the environment in there is so awesome and the people you met there are really really great. I ran into this guy who went to my high school that I literally haven’t seen since I was like 14 but I guess he turned into a huge hippie and is a licensed yoga instructor and doing a lot of agriculture garden / farm work and some traveling and seems like a pretty neat character.
Then I met shane at the curry bistro and we had some awesome indian food. We talked about buddhism and shanes art and how were both doing in recovery and it was really fun. We had a little difficulty finding our meeting but we eventually got there and it was a pretty awesome meeting. The girl chairing was actually a girl I saw on a bus recently and I thought she was cute so I went up and told her I liked her tattoos… then what the heck do you know here she is in a meeting haha. I got a 9 month chip and me and shane are going to try and do some hiking or running soon.
Returned home and wasn’t really feelin the love from my parents. Things have been a little weird with them lately and my mom has been kind of hinting to me that she wants me to leave which makes me sad and confused but thats a story for another time. I did however call an old friend from highschool, Keenan. We werent close in high school but always admired keenan and thought he was cool. Very wise, very active. I gave him a ring to see what he’s up to (what made me think to do this is he is really good friends with the guy I saw at the co op, and he mentioned the two were hanging out) We ended up having a really long talk about the kind of stuff were up to and how things are going and were going to try and get together soon!
Tomorrow is court in Seattle, Rainier’s coming with and then we are going to the Henry Gallery to see the Gary Hill exhibit. Ive been wanting to see this exhibition for months I cant wait. Were going to spend the rest of the day downtown and probably hit a meeting in Seattle. Should be fun!
That granola + almond milk heated up for a few minutes on stove top is the greatest gift from the food gods ever.
Anyways, there’s this very cool guy in my rehab group named Shane. Shane is an artist who went to the Seattle art institute for a few years and other than the fact that he’s very talented I dont know much else about him because he’s very quiet. One of the other cool things about Shane is that sometimes when he’s bored he tattoo’s himself (he has a tattoo gun) In the last couple groups I’ve noticed he was wearing a necklace with a Buddha Gautama bead on it.
Today I went out on a limb and texted Shane asking if he wanted to get together this week and do something, I also asked if he was interested in Buddhism. I learned from his response that Shane has been into Buddhism for about a year now and we have plans to attend a CA meeting in Everett on Thursday and go out to Curry Bistro indian food after and discuss Buddhism, Shane’s art and tattoo’s.
Im really looking forward to this!
I got two boxes of a new brand of tea yesterday and I’m not really fond of either. If I possibly did one of those “give away” things where people reblog it and I pick a winner, would anyone even be interested / participate? If yes Ill do it but if not Ill just toss them or something!
This song reminds me of a time when locking myself in a room with a gram of ketamine was not only ordinary but highly anticipated.
I used to listen to Adventure Clubs dubstep remix of this song constantly, as well as other Adventure Club songs.
This song takes me back to when I was living out of my back pack on the streets of Seattle. A time when going into a store meant coming out with alcohol that hadn’t been paid for, upwards of 5 to 10 times a day. A highlight of a day would be sneaking into a rave, getting dosed on some type of drug, finding a place (indoors) for my girlfriend and I to sleep, stealing a can of dust off to get high on, or getting really drunk from alcohol despite my high tolerance.
Now though, I listen to the original version of this song. Its so much more beautiful and the song conveys so much more happiness. Im not hating on dubstep or EDM but the Adventure Club version of this no longer appeals to me. As I’ve changed so has my music taste, and now I just need something a little more positive.
But Im in a transition state of my life and when listening to this song and all the memories come rushing back, I cant help but wonder… has the last 8 months all been a hoax? Will it all be over soon. Am I destined to a life of chemical dependency? Will my back pack and I head back out again? Its a scary thought that Id rather just avoid. I really hope not. But all I know is that for today I will be clean and sober. and I have hope for tomorrow.
Recent financial issues have kind of given me a gratitude-check. When things tend to “go my way” for a while I tend to lost my grasp on my gratitude and get greedy. I received a speeding ticket the other day and some bills I was not expecting arrived and It appears as though Im going to have to live paycheck to paycheck and possibly even ask my parents for help. This means that all of the personal items that I want or was saving for are further postponed. I have been dealing with this, for the most part, by saying the serenity prayer and just focusing on “accepting the things I cannot change and the courage to change the things I can”. These financial issues have restored my gratitude because although my savings have been depleted I need to forget my greed and remember that if I was still using drugs I would not be able to pay a phone bill every month, especially for an iPhone, I most likely wouldn’t have a place to live and many other things. I have recognized what a blessing all the little things I have been taking for granted truly are. I have only been sober a little over six months, I need to remember patience. I spent about two years using drugs and alcohol so its going to take more then six months to get my life to where I want it to be and to acquire material things that I desire. I need to remember that happiness is a journey, not a destination. So although I am not happy about my financial issues I am accepting them and looking on the positive side. If anything financial issues should be a motivator to me to work as hard as I can to educate myself and succeed in college so I can be financially stable and live comfortably within my means and support a family in the years to come.
kasisbadass asked: hey, i just noticed that your six months sober and your drugs of choice are the same as mine. im currently 24 hours sober... i went 3 weeks... then i relapsed yesterday.. but ive been going to meetings almost everyday and idk why but reading your tumblr gave me motivation and hope that i can go 6 months someday. but im just wondering how your doing it?
To be honest I never could have quit on my own. I ran away and went homeless as a result of my drug use and was gone for a few months and my parents said in order to come home I had to go to rehab. One particular night I had no drugs nor a place to stay and was all alone and I decided it to was time. I went home and got started in rehab. I stay sober today by fully committing to the program, going to meetings, having a sponsor and working the steps. Keep me posted on how you’re doing and talk to me whenever you want please.
I feel alone. I feel like all the other kids my age are in the party phase that I am already over. I still want to go to concerts, raves and party’s and what-not, not because I want to get fucked up because I still want to meet girls etc. I went to a concert on new years and met plenty of what I considered attractive girls, mainly party girls. Which is what I used to be attracted to, but I’ve decided I need to give this up for just that reason. The girls that Im meeting in these places ARE party girls. They like to drink and some of them also like to do drugs. Im not judging them at all this is fine, I just cant be around stuff like that anymore. And really if you think about it, since I don’t do drugs or drink I really have nothing in common with these girls. That means that technically the only reason I am talking to them is because I want to have sex with them. That probably sounds funny but its true! I have decided Im just going to put girls and most of my social life aside until Im in a better environment. I start school in a few months and then I can surround myself with other driven individuals with passion and goals like me. Yes, my sex life will most likely suffer from this but I am willing to forfeit that in exchange for a relationship with a girl that I actually care about and who brings out the best in me and I can have fun with without using drugs or alcohol. Once again, I dont judge anyone who uses drugs or drinks, its great fun trust me I know, but sobriety really works for me and In order to preserve my sobriety I need to be with other sober people.