I came home from camping early this morning, got back to my house around noon. Next I made the voyage to some silly place called Samamish (which was beyond confusing) to find to get my sweatshirts back from this girl who I met at a rave and loaned my jackets to because she was cold. Theres actually more to that story but thats for a different day :) haha
I returned from this endeavor and then went to the city to find out the name of the restaurant I want my sister and her boyfriend to take Rainier and I too for my birthday dinner next Monday! Im so excited for that. Also, while in Seattle I went to the Stussy store and got rainier a siiiiiiiiiick crewneck. She told me she wants a stussy something for christmas or something and I decided Id jump the gun and get her something early. Its a Seattle exclusive and says Stussy Seattle and has a mariners logo and says PIKE TRIBE on the back.
Next I ran home and then ran off to pick Rainier up. I gave her present, and she actually gave me a present as well. A handmade bracelet and some beautiful tibetan sandalwood beads with a charm. I put them around the rear view mirror in my car to keep my dream catcher company. We went to the co op and got some coconut water then headed off to Arlington. We picked up a hitchhiker along the way because I firmly believe in helping strangers and gave him a ride to Arlington and I hope we helped him out.
We were early for where we were going so we went to a park in Arlington and climbed out on this bridge over the river that kids sometimes jump off of in the summer. It was a little sketchy but fun. Then we went to my moms house and chit chatted and got ready to go to my 1 year birthday meeting of Narcotics Anon. While we were at my house we walked out to my dads shop for no apparent reason and discovered….. BABY KITTENS! There was a momma cat on the prowl and two baby kittens. I named them Marc and Jacob! Haha.
My one year birthday meeting was spectacular and that hole inside of me that I spent years trying to fill with drugs and alcohol never felt so full in my life. Everything everyone shared was awesome and Im glad my parents, Rainier, my old counselor, my sponsor and my grand sponsor all came.
Twas a really nice evening. I wish I had pictures of everything but my phone has been dead all day.
Use your imaginations :)
*Families and victims of 9/11 you are not forgotten*
Recent financial issues have kind of given me a gratitude-check. When things tend to “go my way” for a while I tend to lost my grasp on my gratitude and get greedy. I received a speeding ticket the other day and some bills I was not expecting arrived and It appears as though Im going to have to live paycheck to paycheck and possibly even ask my parents for help. This means that all of the personal items that I want or was saving for are further postponed. I have been dealing with this, for the most part, by saying the serenity prayer and just focusing on “accepting the things I cannot change and the courage to change the things I can”. These financial issues have restored my gratitude because although my savings have been depleted I need to forget my greed and remember that if I was still using drugs I would not be able to pay a phone bill every month, especially for an iPhone, I most likely wouldn’t have a place to live and many other things. I have recognized what a blessing all the little things I have been taking for granted truly are. I have only been sober a little over six months, I need to remember patience. I spent about two years using drugs and alcohol so its going to take more then six months to get my life to where I want it to be and to acquire material things that I desire. I need to remember that happiness is a journey, not a destination. So although I am not happy about my financial issues I am accepting them and looking on the positive side. If anything financial issues should be a motivator to me to work as hard as I can to educate myself and succeed in college so I can be financially stable and live comfortably within my means and support a family in the years to come.
kasisbadass asked: hey, i just noticed that your six months sober and your drugs of choice are the same as mine. im currently 24 hours sober... i went 3 weeks... then i relapsed yesterday.. but ive been going to meetings almost everyday and idk why but reading your tumblr gave me motivation and hope that i can go 6 months someday. but im just wondering how your doing it?
To be honest I never could have quit on my own. I ran away and went homeless as a result of my drug use and was gone for a few months and my parents said in order to come home I had to go to rehab. One particular night I had no drugs nor a place to stay and was all alone and I decided it to was time. I went home and got started in rehab. I stay sober today by fully committing to the program, going to meetings, having a sponsor and working the steps. Keep me posted on how you’re doing and talk to me whenever you want please.
Back living at my moms house. I stayed at my dads house last night and that was…. interesting. Its good I have my dad and I know I can always rely on him when Im in trouble but goddamn I cant stand that man for much longer than a few hours. I dont have a way with words so I dont exactly know how to explain it but he just really knows how to get under my skin and then as soon as I have the slightest attitude he just turns into a fucking pit bull threating to kick my ass. Anyways, my dad doesn’t really understand my recovery or any of my goals so living there wasnt much of an option.
I went to rehab tonight and talked about my issues and thats where I decided to apologize to my mom and try and come home. I gave my mom a long talk apologizing and talking about where Im at in recovery and what not. I felt really good about what I said. Their response was… well, typical. My step dad played the tough guy card which really just drives me crazy. I had a hard time holding it together but I did because I really think this is the best place for me to be.
I had a good meeting tonight, met a possible new recovery friend, and asked this guy Troy to be my sponsor. I have a sponsor but things arent really working with him so Im going to try things out with Troy.
Im hanging out with my sister! Its so great to have my sisters support and to be close with her again! Cant wait to see her tomorrow
I need to talk to my lawyer, get my community service hours done, get my hours from NOAH, get my alpine homework done, start working on my sponsor homework, not spend any money (SAVE MONEY), not smoke any stoges or swishers, RUN MORE, get a haircut?, drink more water, eat more, SKI MORE, read in my books
In other news, in 15 minutes I get to change my info from saying “4 months sober” to “5 months sober”. Yippy kiy aye mother fuckersssss!!!!
But I came home to my mom this morning freaking out saying she knows Ive been doing drugs. Telling me that my clothes always “smell like pot”.
In the car on my home right before this happened I was literally just talking to two of my friends about how getting sober has been the best thing that has happened to me.
A huge fight ensued and it sounds like Im going to be kicked out now.
I dont mind being kicked out at all because I know how to get by on the streets, I just dont want to have to lose my job, and not show up for rehab. I really want to graduate rehab, get my community service done for court, and continue saving money. All those things will be hard to do while living on the streets.
Despite how appalling it is to be told you’ve been doing drugs when only you know that you haven’t been, I have no anger. The sun is shining on my face, I have good music and enough money for a bus ride to seattle and maybe a tattoo tonight or tomorrow. Most importantly I love myself. I didn’t love myself before I got sober. Whatever I face I know Ill get through it.
And incase anyone is worried, relapse is the last thing on my mind right now.
I feel alone. I feel like all the other kids my age are in the party phase that I am already over. I still want to go to concerts, raves and party’s and what-not, not because I want to get fucked up because I still want to meet girls etc. I went to a concert on new years and met plenty of what I considered attractive girls, mainly party girls. Which is what I used to be attracted to, but I’ve decided I need to give this up for just that reason. The girls that Im meeting in these places ARE party girls. They like to drink and some of them also like to do drugs. Im not judging them at all this is fine, I just cant be around stuff like that anymore. And really if you think about it, since I don’t do drugs or drink I really have nothing in common with these girls. That means that technically the only reason I am talking to them is because I want to have sex with them. That probably sounds funny but its true! I have decided Im just going to put girls and most of my social life aside until Im in a better environment. I start school in a few months and then I can surround myself with other driven individuals with passion and goals like me. Yes, my sex life will most likely suffer from this but I am willing to forfeit that in exchange for a relationship with a girl that I actually care about and who brings out the best in me and I can have fun with without using drugs or alcohol. Once again, I dont judge anyone who uses drugs or drinks, its great fun trust me I know, but sobriety really works for me and In order to preserve my sobriety I need to be with other sober people.
in 7 minutes. Im really proud of how far ive come but I have been dishonest in just the past few days. Ive been talking to some of my old drug using friends and thinking about drugs alot and on new years I sold bunk molly outside of a rave and hooked my friend at work up with some real molly and hung out with him while he rolled. My boss also wants some this friday. I have not told my sponsor or counselor. Im upset with myself but I need to get honest and do the right thing and stay on the right path. I dont want to slide right back down to where I was. Time to start hitting more meetings and getting back into my recovery groove. No more greed, dishonesty, or being ungrateful.
Ohh on a side note I quit smoking stoges for new years, yay me.