Happiness is a journey, not a destination

Happiness is a journey, not a destination

MESSAGE ARCHIVE THEME

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Most of all I value honesty, open mindedness and willingness. Even if I dont always possess them myself
Sun in Virgo, Moon in Aquarius
Visiting
My Handsome Face

Freshmen at WWU
running, organic goods & eating healthy, happiness, traveling, being honest with myself, clothes fashion style & design, the northwest, people with passion, art of all forms, adventure, skiing, nature, microwbrews & craft beers, music, big city’s & coastal states, education, tennis, piano, cooking, tea, movies, setting goals and pursuing them, my dogs, sustainability, family, mountaineering, gardening, reading, Seattle, trying new things, self actualization, learning and education & spirituality "Religion is for those who are afraid of hell, spirituality is for those who have already been there" - Bonnie Rait

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Most of all I value honesty, open mindedness and willingness. Even if I dont always possess them myself
Sun in Virgo, Moon in Aquarius
Visiting
My Handsome Face

Freshmen at WWU
running, organic goods & eating healthy, happiness, traveling, being honest with myself, clothes fashion style & design, the northwest, people with passion, art of all forms, adventure, skiing, nature, microwbrews & craft beers, music, big city’s & coastal states, education, tennis, piano, cooking, tea, movies, setting goals and pursuing them, my dogs, sustainability, family, mountaineering, gardening, reading, Seattle, trying new things, self actualization, learning and education & spirituality "Religion is for those who are afraid of hell, spirituality is for those who have already been there" - Bonnie Rait

Photo via rowdyfairy

Photo via rowdyfairy

"People always think they’re too young to get clean, but you’re never too young to die"

- My Sponsor

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54 Meeting tonight

Went to a CA meeting in downtown Everett. I’ve been to this meeting once before, so I recognized a few faces. I dont go to CA often but its a good meeting and I like it. I was not called on to share, and I told myself I would not volunteer to share because I always do and I wanted to “humble” myself tonight. I had a lot to say but I kept it in and it must have not been that important cause I dont remember it anymore. Ok I remember most of it but whatever. It so crazy how much my life has changed.

on a side note, flying to california in a few weeks to visit Meghan. She lives is San Fran, only a few hours farther south and I could go back to school shopping at Marc Jacobs on Melrose…. hmmmmm…. :)

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This is the cake my baby monkey made me for my 11 months clean yesterday <3

It was accompanied by the best note Ive ever read in my entire life

Anonymous asked: I heard that you still drink but still claim to be sober.

In four days I will have 11 months clean from drugs, alcohol & marijuana. I rarely even consume caffeine .. just a little in my green tea of course. This is the second person in like a week to doubt my sobriety. Oh well.

this is kinda creepy though cause only like 4 people in real life know my tumblr and none of them would ask me this so I guess more people found my shit.

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where has my spirituality gone? where has my honesty gone? where has my allegiance to AA and NA gone? Im still sober but my behavior has slipped. Cigarettes, dishonesty, hanging around old friends and old playgrounds? Im not pleased with what I’ve become and I plan to turn it around.

I need to practice some humility and admit my faults in a meeting

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Just for today, 30 days, 60 days, 90 days, 6 months, 9 months (Taken with Instagram)

Let me start by saying

That granola + almond milk heated up for a few minutes on stove top is the greatest gift from the food gods ever.

Anyways, there’s this very cool guy in my rehab group named Shane. Shane is an artist who went to the Seattle art institute for a few years and other than the fact that he’s very talented I dont know much else about him because he’s very quiet. One of the other cool things about Shane is that sometimes when he’s bored he tattoo’s himself (he has a tattoo gun) In the last couple groups I’ve noticed he was wearing a necklace with a Buddha Gautama bead on it.

Today I went out on a limb and texted Shane asking if he wanted to get together this week and do something, I also asked if he was interested in Buddhism. I learned from his response that Shane has been into Buddhism for about a year now and we have plans to attend a CA meeting in Everett on Thursday and go out to Curry Bistro indian food after and discuss Buddhism, Shane’s art and tattoo’s.

Im really looking forward to this!

Also,

I got two boxes of a new brand of tea yesterday and I’m not really fond of either. If I possibly did one of those “give away” things where people reblog it and I pick a winner, would anyone even be interested / participate? If yes Ill do it but if not Ill just toss them or something!

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This song reminds me of a time when locking myself in a room with a gram of ketamine was not only ordinary but highly anticipated.

I used to listen to Adventure Clubs dubstep remix of this song constantly, as well as other Adventure Club songs.

This song takes me back to when I was living out of my back pack on the streets of Seattle. A time when going into a store meant coming out with alcohol that hadn’t been paid for, upwards of 5 to 10 times a day. A highlight of a day would be sneaking into a rave, getting dosed on some type of drug, finding a place (indoors) for my girlfriend and I to sleep, stealing a can of dust off to get high on, or getting really drunk from alcohol despite my high tolerance.

Now though, I listen to the original version of this song. Its so much more beautiful and the song conveys so much more happiness. Im not hating on dubstep or EDM but the Adventure Club version of this no longer appeals to me. As I’ve changed so has my music taste, and now I just need something a little more positive.

But Im in a transition state of my life and when listening to this song and all the memories come rushing back, I cant help but wonder… has the last 8 months all been a hoax? Will it all be over soon. Am I destined to a life of chemical dependency? Will my back pack and I head back out again? Its a scary thought that Id rather just avoid. I really hope not. But all I know is that for today I will be clean and sober. and I have hope for tomorrow.

This song reminds me of a time when locking myself in a room with a gram of ketamine was not only ordinary but highly anticipated.

I used to listen to Adventure Clubs dubstep remix of this song constantly, as well as other Adventure Club songs.

This song takes me back to when I was living out of my back pack on the streets of Seattle. A time when going into a store meant coming out with alcohol that hadn’t been paid for, upwards of 5 to 10 times a day. A highlight of a day would be sneaking into a rave, getting dosed on some type of drug, finding a place (indoors) for my girlfriend and I to sleep, stealing a can of dust off to get high on, or getting really drunk from alcohol despite my high tolerance.

Now though, I listen to the original version of this song. Its so much more beautiful and the song conveys so much more happiness. Im not hating on dubstep or EDM but the Adventure Club version of this no longer appeals to me. As I’ve changed so has my music taste, and now I just need something a little more positive.

But Im in a transition state of my life and when listening to this song and all the memories come rushing back, I cant help but wonder… has the last 8 months all been a hoax? Will it all be over soon. Am I destined to a life of chemical dependency? Will my back pack and I head back out again? Its a scary thought that Id rather just avoid. I really hope not. But all I know is that for today I will be clean and sober. and I have hope for tomorrow.

Plans for the day tomorrow

I have some shopping I need to do downtown tomorrow I need to pickup a multi vitamin because lord knows I don’t get all the fruits and vegetables I need per day and If Im going to be running upwards of 16 - 20 miles Im going to need my body to get its nutrition. I will probably browse seattle’s Super Supplements and decide which one is best for me.

I also have a few shops I would just like to carouse since the weather is actually starting to get nice here and I might need some new clothes for spring / summer.

Also I could use a new pair of plugs since I lost one of mine at a party last tuesday. I would like a white pair and a black pair and a wood pair.

Lastly I’ll be going to the Puget Sound Young Peoples Council AA meeting tomorrow at 7:30 in Bellevue. I’ve been wanting to go to this meeting for a long time so I think Ill finally check it out tomorrow.

Not related to my day tomorrow but once I am out of my financial debt and I have the things Im saving for I need to start putting money into my Roth IRA and investing again! I cant believe I let myself fall behind on that. The financial benefits Im going to reap from the years of compounding in a tax free account are going to be insane and I will really be grateful for that when I am older and have a family.

Both of the people I intended to go with tomorrow have cancelled on me so It looks as though Ill be traveling alone tomorrow. If any of my followers are from the Seattle area and are going to be in the downtown, capitol hill or bellevue area tomorrow hit me up.

Summary:

Get a multivitamin
Browse summer / spring clothes
Shop for new 00 plugs
Check out young peoples AA meeting in Bellevue
Start investing and saving for retirement more!

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1 GRATITUDE

Recent financial issues have kind of given me a gratitude-check. When things tend to “go my way” for a while I tend to lost my grasp on my gratitude and get greedy. I received a speeding ticket the other day and some bills I was not expecting arrived and It appears as though Im going to have to live paycheck to paycheck and possibly even ask my parents for help. This means that all of the personal items that I want or was saving for are further postponed. I have been dealing with this, for the most part, by saying the serenity prayer and just focusing on “accepting the things I cannot change and the courage to change the things I can”. These financial issues have restored my gratitude because although my savings have been depleted I need to forget my greed and remember that if I was still using drugs I would not be able to pay a phone bill every month, especially for an iPhone, I most likely wouldn’t have a place to live and many other things. I have recognized what a blessing all the little things I have been taking for granted truly are. I have only been sober a little over six months, I need to remember patience. I spent about two years using drugs and alcohol so its going to take more then six months to get my life to where I want it to be and to acquire material things that I desire. I need to remember that happiness is a journey, not a destination. So although I am not happy about my financial issues I am accepting them and looking on the positive side. If anything financial issues should be a motivator to me to work as hard as I can to educate myself and succeed in college so I can be financially stable and live comfortably within my means and support a family in the years to come.

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kasisbadass asked: hey, i just noticed that your six months sober and your drugs of choice are the same as mine. im currently 24 hours sober... i went 3 weeks... then i relapsed yesterday.. but ive been going to meetings almost everyday and idk why but reading your tumblr gave me motivation and hope that i can go 6 months someday. but im just wondering how your doing it?

To be honest I never could have quit on my own. I ran away and went homeless as a result of my drug use and was gone for a few months and my parents said in order to come home I had to go to rehab. One particular night I had no drugs nor a place to stay and was all alone and I decided it to was time. I went home and got started in rehab. I stay sober today by fully committing to the program, going to meetings, having a sponsor and working the steps. Keep me posted on how you’re doing and talk to me whenever you want please.

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30

Just for today, 30 days, 60 days, 90 days & six months.

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Taken with instagram Expect a picture of me and all my key tags tonight’s :)

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6 months sober at midnight tomorrow and I cant even begin to explain how my life has truly changed. These past six months the fog has been lifted and I have truly come to know serenity. I have accepted the things I cannot change and found the courage to change the things that I can. Today I am thankful for everyone who has been a part of my recovery.

“No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell.”

-Carl Jung

Currently;

Back living at my moms house. I stayed at my dads house last night and that was…. interesting. Its good I have my dad and I know I can always rely on him when Im in trouble but goddamn I cant stand that man for much longer than a few hours. I dont have a way with words so I dont exactly know how to explain it but he just really knows how to get under my skin and then as soon as I have the slightest attitude he just turns into a fucking pit bull threating to kick my ass. Anyways, my dad doesn’t really understand my recovery or any of my goals so living there wasnt much of an option.

I went to rehab tonight and talked about my issues and thats where I decided to apologize to my mom and try and come home. I gave my mom a long talk apologizing and talking about where Im at in recovery and what not. I felt really good about what I said. Their response was… well, typical. My step dad played the tough guy card which really just drives me crazy. I had a hard time holding it together but I did because I really think this is the best place for me to be.

I had a good meeting tonight, met a possible new recovery friend, and asked this guy Troy to be my sponsor. I have a sponsor but things arent really working with him so Im going to try things out with Troy.

Tomorrow:

Im hanging out with my sister! Its so great to have my sisters support and to be close with her again! Cant wait to see her tomorrow

This week:

I need to talk to my lawyer, get my community service hours done, get my hours from NOAH, get my alpine homework done, start working on my sponsor homework, not spend any money (SAVE MONEY), not smoke any stoges or swishers, RUN MORE, get a haircut?, drink more water, eat more, SKI MORE, read in my books

In other news, in 15 minutes I get to change my info from saying “4 months sober” to “5 months sober”. Yippy kiy aye mother fuckersssss!!!!

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